Woody Allen
Quotations


Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to . . . if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

In Beverly Hills . . . they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year . . . for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife--a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.



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