Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to . . . if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

In Beverly Hills . . . they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.

Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love.

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year . . . for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife--a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.


Memorable Quotations: Filmmakers

Memorable Quotations: Screenwriters

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