A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
A bachelor has to have an inspiration for making love to a woman--a married man needs only an excuse.
A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
A fool and her money are soon courted.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A man always mistakes a woman's clinging devotion for weakness, until he discovers that it requires the strength of Samson, the patience of Job, and the finesse of Solomon to untwine it.
A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little "personal characteristics."
A man may talk inspiringly to a woman about love in the abstract--but the look in his eyes is always perfectly concrete.
A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
A widow is a fascinating being with the flavor of maturity, the spice of experience, the piquancy of novelty, the tang of practiced coquetry, and the halo of one man's approval.
After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her.
Alas, why will a man spend months trying to hand over his liberty to a woman--and the rest of his life trying to get it back again?
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasť; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
Before marriage, a man will go home and lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll go to sleep before you finish saying it.
Better a lively old epigram than a deadly new one.
Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.
Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side, his nobler instincts and his higher nature--and another woman to help him forget them.
Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense.
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America."
"Home" is any four walls that enclose the right person.
Honeymoons are the beginning of wisdom--but the beginning of wisdom is the end of romance.
It is easier to keep half a dozen lovers guessing than to keep one lover after he has stopped guessing.
It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son--and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
Marriage: a souvenir of love.
Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.
Marrying an old bachelor is like buying second-hand furniture.
Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near.
Nothing annoys a man as to hear a woman promising to love him "forever" when he merely wanted her to love him for a few weeks.
One man's folly is often another man's wife.
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
The hardest task of a girl's life, nowadays, is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him; the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him; but it's the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
To a woman the first kiss is the end of the beginning; to a man it is the beginning of the end.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
To make a man perfectly happy tell him he works too hard, that he spends too much money, that he is "misunderstood" or that he is "different"; none of this is necessarily complimentary, but it will flatter him infinitely more that merely telling him that he is brilliant, or noble, or wise, or good.
What a man calls his "conscience" is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.
When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men of her acquaintance for the inattention of just one.
When you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
Woman: the peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch, and the sinner his justification.
Memorable Quotations: American Humorists and Wits
American Women Writers
Memorable Quotations: American Women Writers of the Past
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